50 Shades of Brown

Everyone should have an old man.  He doesn’t need to be their father or grandfather, just an old man.  He can be gentle or gruff, it doesn’t matter, but there are some characteristics that set an old man apart from just any male with grey hair.  First, he needs to possess wisdom that a lifetime of living, striving, sweating and learning from his mistakes can endow him with. Second, no matter what his outward demeanor is, he is always glad to see you.  He could be having the worst day in the world, and he’d have a smile or a kind word just for you. Third, he exudes a level of patience for you that no one else seems to have.  Finally, there is a magical sparkle in his eye just for you. It could be mischievous, it could be a surprise, but make no mistake, you put that sparkle there for him.

My son and my daughter had several old men in their lives, but their Papa was the one that defined that role to the fullest.  When they were born, he had long since retired, he was fit, but I’m sure he was tired.  He ALWAYS called their name whenever they entered the room.  Although he was a quiet man, he always had kind words for them. Whatever project he was working on, he always had the patience to include them, no matter how young they were, or squirrelly.  They learned a lot from him.  He spent a lot of time working in his garden and apple orchard, and both of them learned to bag apples to keep the insects out of them.  They learned to respect this gentle rock of a man, and knew that he loved them no matter what.

My old man happened to be my old man.  My father worked baggage and freight for United Airlines. To say that he was tired a lot was an understatement. Over the years he accumulated a bad back, knees and even carpal tunnel syndrome.  When I was a boy, I used to just like being in the same space with him when he was working on a project, usually in the garage which he had converted into a shop space. When it was appropriate, he let me use the tools to help him on his latest idea.  My old man ALWAYS had a new idea or project that he was working on.  He remodeled a mother in law apartment, built a fort for us, built a train board, remodeled the basement, installed an attic cooling fan, and many other projects or ideas.  But he also loved the outdoors.  I have so many memories of going fishing with my old man in any and all weather.  I was always amazed at the energy that he had for me when we were out fishing.  He taught me patience, he taught me that it’s ok to not catch fish too, and just enjoy the moment.  He told me so so many stories of growing up in the Columbia River Gorge.  He taught me to love everyone, no matter who they were, but also to not let that love compromise your values.  He was the first and most vocal of my family to welcome my wife (girlfriend at the time) to the family, he instantly loved her like his own daughter and the two became instant buddies.  I’m still sad they had so little time together.

Both of these great men have now passed. Truly the world has a hole in it that they filled.  They didn’t just influence 3 of us, but many many more.  As I reflect on them, and what they would have wanted, I realize that my son, my daughter and I are better people because of them both. 

I realize with them gone, but not forgotten, that perhaps it is time for that mantle to be passed on.  Looking in the mirror this morning, I am definitely beginning to take on some of the physical characteristics they had.  To my own children and now my wife’s daughters, it may be time to become the old man.  Not too sure about that.  I’ll let them figure that out.  I think I’ll wait until they have kids to be the old man.