50 Shades of Brown

Were you talking to me? I’m sorry you want what? How is this my problem?  If you haven’t had to use these phrases on a passing busy-body, or demanding client, then probably someone you know and love has had to. Someone you know has had to deal with a Karen. (according to Google, the male equivalent is either Kyle or Terry, but I’m just going to use Karen).  (Apologies to several wonderful people named Karen out there that are friends, I’m not actually referring to you here) Karens are the self-appointed police of whatever they currently have set as their target. They come in many forms, but they usually share several common characteristics.

Karens will tell you that they know better than you, or they are right, and you are wrong.  They allow no space at all for even the possibility that they are wrong.  Their current crusade is a holy endeavor appointed by whatever deity that they worship.  You could literally be quoting word for word the accurate State Law regarding whatever Karen is trying to punish you for, and she won’t budge an inch. 

Karens feel that it is their right.  To do what you ask?  Anything.  Karens are entitled.  They feel that rules are beneath them, or those rules are specifically to be used against anyone who gets in their way.  They have no empathy for others, no compassion, but only a focused drive to assert their rights and stake their claim.

Karens clearly know how to do this better than you.  It could be any task that you are doing.  A Karen will show up, tell you what you are doing wrong, DEMAND that you fix it, and then ask why you aren’t done already?  They have prepared reasons they can’t do it themselves at the moment but will remind you under a blistering barrage of babble that they are FAR better than you are at this task.  In my time as a basketball referee, I’ve met plenty.  I even attempted to hand one a whistle and let her finish the game. 

Karens deserve none of your time or effort.  What Karens seek is privilege and attention.  They want special things that others don’t get and they want attention.  Much like a two-year-old who does not want to share the toys, and who wants all the attention from people in the room.  A Karen is just a two-year-old who never grew up.

In my current occupation, I occasionally run into a Karen or two.  Generally speaking, the frustration that they place on us is NOT that they care about their Possession, (that would be perfectly reasonable) but that they need to tell myself and others HOW to do our jobs.  For example, they will try to tell us how this competitor’s product is superior to our product and ask why we don’t carry it?  Or when we say we follow the manufacturers recommendations, they berate us and tell us we couldn’t possibly know that information.

 I’m gonna throw this out here, you are NOT entitled to tell me how to do my job.  You are entitled to expect good service.  You are entitled to money back IF the service is faulty or broken.  But you are NOT entitled to berate, abuse, or belittle someone who makes a mistake. 

There is that word again.  Entitlement.  I don’t know where this came from in that person’s life (my guess is parents) but it is a toxic trait that has no place in reasonable adult society.

A large number of Karen’s seem to be attracted to HOA (Home owners associations).  They get on the board, make sure they police the neighborhood, and are more than happy to help issue fines to you.  You can spot them, they walk their dogs WAY too many times a day, while holding a journal, or clipboard, or take pictures of neighborhood houses with their cameras.  Some of them actually pass ordinances that are against State and Local law, but that they feel are their right to do because the State won’t.  I love the show Bewitched, but we have that show to blame for the rise of these “Gladys Kravitz’s” of the world.

I think the worst are the extremely emotional Karens who work themselves into such a fever pitch that they literally shriek.   A high-pitched call to other nearby Karens to come to their aid.   Many of you have probably watched videos of Karens being handed a ticket for a minor traffic infraction, refusing to take it, becoming belligerent, and ultimately getting arrested.  They all shriek.  Protestors do this as well (is there a handbook out there that I haven’t read?).  The protest is generally anti-establishment in nature and rarely peaceful.  (For the record, I SUPPORT peaceful protest even if I don’t agree with the cause, it needs to be protected in a free society).  But when the protesters discover that they aren’t getting anywhere or getting the attention they believe they deserve, they inevitably turn to illegal and or violent measures.  This brings out the riot police and we get images of shrieking Karens by the wagon full being arrested for their actions and bringing little or no change.

I could go on for pages, but I would like to offer a solution. Parents, please teach your children boundaries and enforce them.  Teach them what is reasonable behavior.  Teach them what they are entitled to and what they are not entitled to.  I hate to throw this on families, but they are the best place to teach this (not schools). 

I don’t think Karens will ever go away sadly, but with time perhaps we can see less and less of them.